25 Week Baby Bump

Since I knew that I was going to be over halfway through my pregnancy by Halloween, I started thinking of what I could dress up like, to incorporate my baby bump.  I was especially excited because I've heard and witnessed that the second pregnancy, you get bigger faster, so I was planning an even more epic baby bump.

BUT I've been super barfy....and losing weight like crazy.  I wasn't counting on being THINNER than when I started.  Honestly, even my doctor looks at me and says, "Well.....the baby is the right size....so....." 

I'm technically entering into my 7th month of pregnancy so...I should have a really good baby bump, right?

BEHOLD!!!  My costume from Trunk or Treat last night at the Church.

I was a lady with an orange shirt on.  I was LITERALLY a lady with a pumpkin on her shirt.  I made it myself.  It looked borderline SAD because I basically looked like a woman making light of the fact that she might have a couple pounds to lose in the gut area.

I should have put a basketball under my shirt and gone dressed as a pregnant lady.

Give It to God

I know exactly the moment that it happened.  The moment that I completely gave it up to God.  The exact second that I couldn't be in charge anymore.

About midway through my infertility journey, I began telling people, "I KNOW that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and He has a plan for my life.  I don't know what it is....and right now, it seems really unfair and stupid."

That was honestly how I felt.  I'm a pretty honest person that way.

I had heard over and over and over again, my whole life that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us.  He gives us what we need to learn and become our best selves.  Sometimes trials are brought upon us by our own stupidness and sometimes it is by other people's stupidness.  Sometimes trials are just part of being alive.  And I think that all the time, Heavenly Father is there to give us strength and guidance and to use it as a chance to teach us.  So I KNEW that He was having me go through the trial of infertility for a reason or multiple reasons.

But it really seemed stupid.  And unfair.  And like the worst plan ever.

After years of trying, I got pregnant and stayed pregnant.  It wasn't easy.  Pregnancy was difficult for me and complicated but miraculous and beautiful.

I went into labor.  And it wasn't easy.  It REALLY wasn't easy.  You've probably read the story.

It was around 4 days and 2 hours into my labor.  From the start of wanting this baby to that moment, nothing had been easy.  That's how it felt.  It felt like, I couldn't GET pregnant easily.  I couldn't BE pregnant easily.  And now, I couldn't even get the baby out in a normal fashion.

A nurse checked my cervix.  Something felt wrong.  She thought that it might be my placenta abrupting.  She went to get another nurse to check.  The second nurse checked.  She told me that she was getting another more seasoned nurse to check before they went to tell the on call doctor.  She told me that they might have to do an emergency C-section.

That was the moment.

I laid my head back down on the bed and closed my eyes and said to God, "Fine.  I give up.  Whatever you want.  I'm not going to fight anymore."

That was the most liberating feeling in the whole wide world for me.  I didn't know what the plan was.  I didn't need to know what the plan was.  I didn't care what the plan was.  I was just going to go along with the plan.

It wasn't crippling.  It wasn't demoralizing.  It was empowering.  

My spirit wasn't broken or crippled.  My spirit was humbled.

The words "If ye have faith, ye need not fear" entered my mind.  It isn't an exact scripture quote (as least that I've been able to find) and I don't know where it came from if not the Holy Spirit.  It has been my mantra ever since.

Whatever you are holding onto, whatever has got you stressed and worried.  Let it go.  Give it to God.

When we were trying to sell our house this summer and it just sat on the market, it was scary.  We had only a couple months before we would have to pay rent and mortgage...which was not going to be doable.  We did all we could to make the house desirable and then, I gave it to God.

It was apparently in God's plan for it to sell right before our time ran out.

When I was told 2 days before moving day that I needed to not do anything stressful or get my heart rate up or move boxes, I gave it to God.

People showed up.  People that I didn't expect to show up, came to help.  They came to load up the moving truck and when we got to Las Vegas, more people than I thought we knew in Vegas came to unload it.

I loved Elder Nelson's talk at conference in April.  I've thought about his words at the beginning a lot.  He told a personal story of when he had been on a plane during turbulence and a terrified woman who he wished that he could help calm.

"Because faith is the antidote for fear, I silently wished that I could have strengthened her faith."

There are have been several people in my life in the last couple months, who I wished that I could give my faith to.  That I could physically take some of my faith out of my body and place it into their hearts to help them.

I can't give you my faith.  I earned it through some pretty tough moments.  But I can give you my testimony.  And this is it.

We can fill our life with worry and stress and fear and still reach the same end as we would if we did all we could and then gave it all to our Heavenly Father.  I can have Him, "lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way" and so can you.

Zach would have gotten out of me one way or another.  That was something that I couldn't stress about or try to be in control of one second longer.  

And you might be holding onto something that you can't stress about or try to control one second longer.  So don't.  Please don't.

Give it to God.

Family Home Evening: Fall Carnival

We're trying to do Family Home Evenings now that Zach is getting a little older.  We also wanted to do something to celebrate the fall season.  On our way to Costco and a Stake conference, we passed by this carnival looking thing and so I looked online to see what it was.  It was a charity fall carnival for kids, so we decided to check it out.

We knew that it was going to be good for Zach when we saw a bunch of other kids his size there.  I am personally so excited to be a mom that sometimes I plan activities for my son (like science museums) that are WAY PASSED his caring level.  So this was perfect.

Up first was the pumpkin patch right at the front.  He wanted to feel all of the straw.

I love seeing these two together.  They're adorable little buddies.

Zach found more of the hay bales and wanted to devote his life to touching them.

Luckily that led him right into the maze that was perfectly suited to his size.  It was awesome because we could see the whole maze but he was like, "What is this place?  This place made of magical hay bales?"

We let him take the lead and let him work his way out.  I mean, that's kind of my parenting style.  Watch and see what he does and if he gets in trouble, help him out.  But he was having fun going around and around and seeing and discovering.

After Zach worked his way out of the maze (all on his own!), we picked out a ride that we thought would suit us.  Luckily my 23 week pregnant body can still fit inside a "Medium Banana".  They were all labeled with different names but they were all the same size.  Like, there was the "Long Banana"  and the "Big Banana"  but they were all the exact same size....weird.

He smiled the whole time on the ride.  I can't get over his face in this picture.

I include the picture below so that you can see how it was swinging out.  Imagine trying to get my pregnant body into that swinging banana while also holding my son....it was kind of an ordeal.

 After all that running around, Zach was ready for dinner and getting a little grumpy so we headed back out.  Seriously, this carnival was the perfect size for Zach to have fun.

Maybe we'll go again next year too.  Make it a little family tradition.

A Boy, A Bucket and a Rock Garden

Aaron and I never imagined that NOT having a grass yard would be an awesome adventure for our little boy.  We felt bad leaving our Ogden backyard and giving it up for Las Vegas' classic rock gardens.  But it has really been a blessing in disguise.

Zach LOVES the rocks and thinks that every time he goes outside, he has to pick up a rock and bring it inside with him.

For his birthday, he got a gift certificate for Michael's and since I'm a toy snob, this was the PERFECT present because I knew that it would be creative open ended toys.

One of those toys, was a bucket.  So Zach took his bucket and to the rock garden we went (two steps outside my front door).

Of course, his personal bodyguards had to come too.  They are ever watchful of their little boy.

I told myself that we would sit outside playing until Zach got tired of it....we were outside of over an hour with Zach filling up his bucket completely full of rocks.  People are going to think my dogs dig holes...not so...that would be my son.

Family Home Evening: Walk to the Lake

The greater neighborhood that we are located in, is called Desert Shores.  It's this cute area that centers around a man-made lake...or rather, three skinny man-made lakes.  It was made that way so that all the center houses are "lake front property". (This is really funny to me because the area that I lived in, in Bangkok, was also a neighborhood built around a man-made lake.)

So, this lovely Monday evening we decided to take Zach to go and see the "quack-quack".  I guess that I say, "quack-quack" more than I say "duck"...so...it is what it is.

I thought that my sister would like this because whoever this vandal is, they spell "Crystal" the correct way.

This is not a duck.  Who knows what this is?  I named it Gru...because he looks like Gru from Despicable Me.

We found the "quack-quack"!!  I don't know what they were eating but they all apparently loved it.  My little bear is holding a pine cone in this picture.  They were everywhere and he wanted to feel one.

I love being able to settle into a routine here and start calling Las Vegas "home".  As Zach gets older, I'm excited to have many many more Family Home Evening nights like this.

General Conference October 2014

When I was growing up, I would hear people say all the time, "I can't wait for General Conference!  I'm so excited."  And I would think, "LIAR!!"

Twice a year, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, cancel their 3 hour block of meetings and devote a weekend to TEN HOURS OF MEETINGS (11 and a half if you watch the Women's Conference meeting the weekend before).  

Yup, instead of going to church for 3 hours on Sunday and being done with it, we spread out 10 hours of meetings in 2 hour increments throughout the weekend.  And here is the weird thing, 

WE LIKE IT.  WE LOOK FORWARD TO IT.

As I've gotten older and I've grown closer to the Lord (because that's the real thing.  It doesn't matter how old you are, it matters how much you like feeling the Spirit close to you.), I've started to be the person who says, "I can't wait for General Conference!  I'm so excited." 

We get to hear our Prophet speak.  We get to hear inspired messages from so many different leaders of different parts of our Church.  It's exciting and as you listen, you can feel the Spirit whisper to you things that you need to know.  You get to hear your own personal prayers answered.

I was super excited for this Conference.  But....I was extremely sick with pregnancy all weekend.  Also, our apartment is still a total disaster because we are still only halfway moved in.  We had just gotten internet but no wifi....so our laptop had to be far enough away from a certain somebody (who shall remain nameless) who enjoys pressing the power button on the laptop.

As I laid on my bed with a huge headache and fighting back vomit, I kept thinking of how lucky I am.  This was the weekend two years ago, that I found out that I was pregnant with Zach.  

Now I'm laying in bed with a little ball of energy who just wants to snuggle me and convince me to get up and play.  AND to top it all off, I get to have another baby.  I get to feel my tiny little daughter kick around inside of me.  This weekend, I don't need to be reminded that I'm a child of a Heavenly Father who loves me personally.  I KNOW.  I know through every trial and difficult time that I'm special to Him who created me.  I know through all the tiny blessings that I get every day that I'm cherished.  And I know through the obvious miracle that are my children, that Heavenly Father wants all good things for me.

Even when those miracles straight up steal my CapriSun.

I have CapriSun by my bed for barfing purposes.  I drink them to settle my stomach or give me something to barf in the morning so I don't dry heave for forever.  Well, Zach has been a straw thief  for awhile.  He will pull them out of the box, take the straws and put the drink back into the box and horde the straws.

Well, I hear him moving around on the side of the bed during the middle of conference and I look over.  He is sticking the straw into the CapriSun and then starts drinking.  WHAT?!?!?!  Who taught a 16 month old to do that?  Apparently he is watching me closer than I thought.  I let him finish it.  I felt like he earned it.

And in other news, no one is worried about his fine motor skills.

The weekend was spent in bed, listening to a prophet's voice and snuggling my boys.  Yeah...there was barf....so much barf because I'm making another human person. Yeah, I had a massive migraine that made it hard to open my eyes.  Yeah, I spent a good amount of the time, keeping a small bear entertained looking at pictures from our photo album.  But I really couldn't think of a better way to spend my time.

Could you?