Infinite Things to Be Thankful For

It's November and so it's thankfulness month so this post might seem a little trite.  We can all be thankful for a couple things for a month out of the year.  But this week, I've gotten a giant dose of perspective.

Tonight I went out to my car, after it had been sitting out in the parking lot for 4 hours and it turns out that I left the backseat light on when I took my son out of the car earlier.  I just froze.  It was still on.  That meant that the battery hadn't died even though I had done something so completely stupid.  And I felt so extremely blessed.

And I realized that I needed to write this post.  Maybe not for anyone else, but for me.

Aaron has been sick for months.  And I said a couple weeks ago in a post that he didn't really want anyone to know about it.  He's a very personal man and when he asks me not to talk about something, I do my best to respect that...even though I'm a person who will tell anyone off the street my life story.  But for months he has been feeling bad and over the last two months, it was getting worse and worse so he finally decided to see a doctor about it.

When I say "sick", I mean that he lost about 25lbs in the last 4 months.  He was having a harder and harder time walking.  He was getting constant fevers and his heart rate was constantly racing.  He was in increasingly larger amounts of pain as the weeks went on.

We thought that some of the problem was a pinched nerve in his back and around his hip flexor.  He started physical therapy two weeks ago.  After each session, he was getting increasingly worse and worse.

An area of the top of his hip started to get increasingly swollen and his physical therapist said that that wasn't normal and he should get an MRI to make sure he didn't have a torn muscle or something.  By the time he got to his General Practitioner on Monday, it was a distinct raised lump.  His GP told him to see a dermatologist because it might be an abscess that they could easily take care of.  Aaron made an appointment for the next day.  We didn't make it to the appointment.

Tuesday morning....that was the D-day of this story.  Pus.  Blood.  Ambulance.  Emergency Room.  CAT scan.  Emergency Surgery.  Speculations on prognosis. Talk of best case scenarios.  Preparing for worst case scenarios. Prayers. A million phone calls and texts and Facebook messages.  Blood transfusions.  Late night talks with the surgeon and infectious diseases doctor.  Trying to rest on the couch.  Trying to make Aaron comfortable.  Antsy for the next morning for another CAT scan to give us good or bad news.

This post isn't about that story.  This post isn't about D-day.  It's about all the things that I want to remember that I was grateful for.

* I'm grateful that we moved to Las Vegas where my cousins Tennille and Jacob are.  They took Zach in for as long as I needed them too even though that meant that they didn't sleep much Tuesday night either.  And I'm thankful that they offered me dinner when I was waiting for Aaron to get out of surgery.  Seriously, I'm very thankful for that concern for my welfare while I was too busy being worried about Aaron's.

* I'm grateful for my smart phone.  That I was able to call people.  Text people.  Facebook people.  Whatever was fastest for getting a hold of important people, I used it because smart phones are amazing.

*I'm grateful for Rebekah Walker and her husband, Preston.  We've known them for 2 months and they got a hold of people from Church to start the ball rolling on getting food for our family for the next couple days.  And she packed me a bag of food items that I could eat throughout the next few days while I was camped out at the hospital waiting for news.

* I'm grateful that this happened on a week when Aaron's parents had already planned on being in town.  So they only had to figure out plans a day early and showed up Wednesday morning at the hospital so that I could go get my son and stayed with Aaron when I needed to bathe and sleep.

* I'm thankful that without knowing any detail except "Aaron's in emergency surgery.  Please pray." People did it.  People care about us.  That is so overwhelmingly obvious and I couldn't be more grateful for every little act of friendship.

*I'm grateful that I have WONDERFUL siblings who were willing to talk and text and message and make sure that I was okay.  I've been so blessed with getting Aaron's sister as my sister as well.

*I'm grateful that I have an app on my phone for scriptures so that when I needed to be calmed and comforted, I had that.

*I'm grateful to the 4 people who donated their blood for my husband.  They didn't know that it was for my husband.  They knew that it was the right thing to do and that they would get a cookie but they didn't know what it would mean to me and my family.  I wish that I could know who they are so that I could hug them and tell them "THANK YOU!" but I can't.

*I'm grateful that the Priesthood was restored to the earth and given to Joseph Smith to pass on to other men who are willing to live worthily.  I'm grateful that that Priesthood can be used to bless the sick and afflicted. I'm grateful for the two men who came out to the hospital in the middle of the night to give Aaron that blessing after his surgery.

*I'm grateful that my mom lives on the other side of the world so that all through the night, I could text her and talk with her.  Because I couldn't sleep and I needed to talk with someone who was awake at 3:30am.

*I'm grateful for years of building my testimony of Jesus Christ and my wonderful Heavenly Father who wants all good things to me.  So that in times like these, I never have to feel forsaken and alone.

* I'm grateful that the Mormon Message, The Refiner's Fire, came out Tuesday....it felt like it was just for me.  It was as if Heavenly Father wanted to send a quick reminder that all of this was happening for my growth.  I have so many feelings about the concept of "The Refiner's Fire".  Maybe I will go into it some time later.

*I'm grateful for the Air Force.  Never thought that I would type that.  I'm so unpatriotic even though the US Air Force pays my bills.  Specifically, I'm thankful that they are made up of people who are "transplants" like Aaron and I.  People who aren't near family and so they become each other's family.  The group that Aaron works with immediately wanted to know updates and what they could do to help us.  If they could get us meals.  If we needed someone to take Zach.  If we needed ANYTHING.  I've had two Air Force wives that I'm met a couple times call to offer whatever we might need.

*I'm grateful for the Cimarron Ward of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  We just moved into this ward.  These people don't know us nearly at all.  And yet, the bishop came out to the hospital to check on us and ask what they could do for us.  The Relief Society president called and set up meals for us so that I don't have to worry about feeding my family or myself while I'm going between home and the hospital.

*I'm grateful that Aaron has been working on banking paid sick leave for a long while so that if something happened, we could be taken care of.

*I'm grateful that Aaron worked hard in school because he wanted to always have a job that offered good health insurance because he wanted to be sure that we would be taken care of.

*I'm EXTREMELY thankful for nurses.  Those people are SAINTS.  They are CONSTANTLY being asked to do a million things for a dozen people all at the same time.  They do gross things.  They do menial things. They do kind and compassionate things.  And they make sure that you are getting your meds.

*I'm thankful the wound care specialists.  I haven't made it public knowledge how bad the damage is but Aaron has to have a specialist come to redress his wounds everyday.  I guess specifically what I'm grateful for is that someone has the stomach for that job because it is important but it is also very graphic.

*I'm grateful for my added perspective that Aaron isn't only my husband but he is someone's son.  At the hospital I'm seeing him through his mother's eyes and it is very painful but very eye opening.  No one should see their son like that.  Their perfect baby, a piece of their heart, hurting and broken...with no ability to make it stop.  Seeing Aaron as someone's son makes me love him more and in a completely different way.  And it also is making me love my mother-in-law more because I suddenly realized, in a very paradigm shifting way, that she is a mom like me with a little boy.

*I'm grateful for the long conversations that Aaron and I have been able to have.  This whole summer was extremely stressful.  And since moving to Las Vegas, we haven't had any time together without Zach except for a couple hours at night when we are both totally exhausted.  We've had long stretches of time this week to sit and talk.  Yes, it isn't ideal.  Our "nights away" have been in a hospital room but when we wake up after a couple hours of uncomfortable sleep, we can sit and talk.

*I'm immensely grateful that Aaron isn't going to need more surgeries.  We haven't talked details with people who aren't family but if Aaron had needed more surgeries that would have meant some very bad stuff was going on.  As it is, a month of recovery is looking like a cake walk compared to what the worst case scenario could have been.

*I'm grateful that my little daughter is growing and developing.  I didn't put this on Facebook because it didn't end up being a big thing but I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday and there was some concern about her size and so there were a million measurements that had to be done and waiting for the doctor to examine the findings before finally determining that....she is most likely going to be petite but healthy.  Yeah, she is measuring a month behind in her body mass but all of her organs are looking like they are functioning as they should for her gestational age.  I even got to see her doing her "practice breathing".

*I'm grateful that my in-laws are getting more time to visit with Zach and enjoy him.  It's hard living away from family because Zach doesn't get to see his grandparents that often.  So it is good that they get to see him and he is getting to know them better.

*I'm grateful to Aaron's specific coworkers who have come to see him.  And also finding out that they have been concerned about his health in the recent months as they've seen him in pain and growing thin.  They've only known him a few months but they have been worried about him and are genuinely happy to find out that he is getting the help that he needs.  It is very telling how bad Aaron has been feeling lately that when people came to the hospital on Friday they said, "You look so much better than you looked on Friday last week."  They hadn't seen him when he came out of surgery or anything awful like that.  They think he looked better than he did AT WORK 4 days before the worst of this happened.  And he does.

*I'm grateful that today, since I had been sick last night, I got the chance to be with my son.  He's had a tough week.  Not because he has been short on loving, but because he has been short on mom and dad time.  We did a lot of cuddling today and quiet playing and book reading and just being normal.  We got to slow down and enjoy each other like we normally do.

*I'm grateful for all of the people who couldn't be near my physically but who answered the call today on Facebook to please do something to make me smile or keep things positive.  I couldn't bare to read anything negative on Facebook today after my night of being sick.  And people really delivered.  I loved it.  In fact, one friend actually DELIVERED.  Her son.  Which was such great news to hear.  I know she didn't do it for me but it lifted my spirits none the less.

*I'm grateful that the abscess didn't give Aaron sepsis.  I mean...let's be real.  Aaron could have gotten sepsis and died.  He could have died.  Not to be an alarmist but the real life situation is that he could have gotten sepsis and died. I seriously CAN NOT feel like this trial is that bad when my husband is alive.  He lived.  Yes, this is hard.  Yes, this isn't what I wanted for my life at the moment, but the love of my life is alive.

*And today I'm grateful that my car battery didn't die in the middle of the night.  Because God is good.  My life is good.

Every day that passes comes with new things to be grateful for.  New lessons about love and marriage and health and what truly matters in this life.  I wish that I could learn these lessons without all of this but apparently Heavenly Father thinks that this is the best way.  I trust Him.  And I'm thankful for that too.