Prayer's Heard and Answered

The LDS General Conference just ended and will reconvene in 6 months time.  I love being about to listen to a living prophet's voice.  I have a testimony, a strong belief based in faith, that God cares for all of us and that He sent a prophet to help us on our journey back to Him.

One thing that is wonderful about General Conference are the prayers that are always answered.

We are always challenged before conference happens, to think of a question that we have for God.  It could be personal to our lives, "Where should I go to school?  What should I study?".  It could be doctrinal. "Why don't women have the Priesthood?  How can I show greater faith?"  Any question that you have for the Lord will do.

We are told to study it out in our mind and then pray for an answer to come to us.  Then we are asked to show our faith by listening to all of General Conference for our answers.

2 years ago, Aaron and I had been trying to have a child for almost 2 years.  We had tried one round of treatments that had yielded nothing.  It was a really hard time for us, and for me personally.

My dad was in town and got tickets to view one of the sessions (there are 5) of General Conference at the Conference center in Salt Lake City.  It was the first opportunity that I've ever had to do that.

Aaron, me and my Dad

My prayer at that time was a single question, "Will I ever get to be a mom?"

I didn't know how this prayer would be answered or by what means but I went with an open heart and mind.  We heard a couple speaker and, while the talks were great, they weren't the answer to my prayer.

Then the Mormon Tabernacle Choir started to sing.  The song that they were performing was, "I Believe in Christ."  I listened as they sang, enjoying the shared declaration of belief.

Then they got to a verse that, while I knew the song and had sung it many times, took on a new meaning for me personally.

"I believe in Christ, he stands supreme!

From him I'll gain my fondest dream;

And while I strive through grief and pain,

His voice is heard, "Ye shall obtain."

My heart filled with the Spirit and I knew that I had gotten my answer.  I would obtain my fondest dream.

This is the Salt Lake City temple, right  next to the Conference Center.

A year later was another October General Conference.  It had been a year filled with more treatments and even greater heartbreak than the year before.  I still had my belief that I would someday become a mother but after the two loses that we faced in the passed year, Aaron and I had decided to take a break from that pursuit.  

I felt that my heart wasn't ready to love until I was finished grieving.  I didn't want to try again until my heart felt healed.

I had a different prayer in my heart that day.  For months, I had been asking Heavenly Father what He would have me do next.  I took that semester off of school so that I could just work and figure out what I wanted to finish studying.  My prayer had seemingly gone unanswered and I wanted to know what my Father in Heaven would have me do if He didn't want me to be a mother yet.

Saturday morning, Aaron and I sat on the couch in our basement watching the first session of conference.  The first thing that happened was the historical announcement from the Church that they were lower the age of missionaries.  Men could start serving as young as 18 (if that had finished high school) and the age of women's service jumped from 21 down to 19!  This wasn't the answer to my prayer but it was so exciting.  It was incredible to hear such amazing news, especially for women.

My mind was all over the place, going a mile a minute, as I processed what this would mean throughout the Church and throughout the world.

A couple speakers stood up and gave their talks and I didn't hear a word.  Until Elder Shayne M. Bowen.

He spoke about loss and grief, and hope for the world to come.  His words were comforting and healing.

"The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again."

Then he said this, "I would like to speak to those who have lost a child and have asked the question, "Why me?" or maybe even questioned your own faith in a loving Father in Heaven.  It is my prayer that by the power of the Holy Ghost, I may bring some measure of hope, of peace, and of understanding.  ...[Heavenly Father] knows all things and allows us to experience trials so that we can come to know and love Him and understand that without Him we have nothing."

Elder Bowen was speaking to me directly.  I had questioned many times, "Why me?"  and questioned my faith in a Heavenly Father who was suppose to love me and have a plan for me.

"The truth is, you will never completely get over it until you are together once again with your departed loved ones."  

"I have learned that the bitter, almost unbearable pain can become sweet as you turn to your Father in Heaven and plead for His comfort that comes through His plan..."

His talk was one of the only ones that I really heard that day. (You can read the full thing here.)  His words were exactly what I needed to hear.  I needed to hear that it was okay to grieve the loss of the life I carried in me for a brief period.  I need to hear that as I turned to Heavenly Father I would find peace and that I should trust in His plan.

Aaron and I had a long talk that night about what our next step would be.  We talked about more treatments and adoption.  We talked about finances for each.

The first step was that I needed to start a certain medication that, if pregnant, could cause a miscarriage so that night, I went and took a pregnancy test.

To my eternal shock and amazement, it was positive.

A year later, I'm back down stairs on that same couch and this is my beautiful view.

Oh...and when we are being less reverent...this is the view.

I can only be grateful for a Father in Heaven who loves me.  Who hears and answers my prayers.  Who has spent Prophets, Seers, and Revelators for our time to teach us and guide us.  I'm grateful for trials that strengthen faith.  It is hard to be thankful for the trials when they are happening but if we are faithful and endure, than our sorrows will turn into joy.

Or in my case, it turned into this joy to behold.