My Personal View on my Religion and Marriage

I posted, what I thought was a neither here nor there status about the recent marriage ruling in the U.S. and got a little bit of backlash of people telling me that I was wrong for siding with the new marriage laws or telling me to review my religions stance on the matter.

Which was a little rude.

For those of you who don't know what I wrote on my status, it was,

"Avoiding the whole "Does God think that new marriage laws are right?" debate, I just want to say that, a marriage recognized by the country, comes with many added rights that most people don't think about. Topics that I didn't think about until this year.
Medical records and a voice in general in a medical setting. Death wishes. Inheritance rights. And many many more.
I know it isn't the romantic parts of marriage but even the mundane life issues are part of marriage. And I'm so so happy for the gay community that they will have these same rights because during their lives together, it will give an added sense of security on these issues."

What I stated were mostly facts.  

This ruling DOES give them rights in this country that they didn't have before.  I didn't think about these rights much until this year.  A whole lot happened to me this year and I was really grateful that I was legally married to the person that I've chosen to spend my life with and other people that I know were less fortunate than me this year because the legality of their marriage was being questioned in a medical setting.  So it has been on my mind.

I guess you can assume that I don't have a proper perspective of eternal marriage on this subject because I said that I was happy for them.  You are always free to assume what you want to.  But it doesn't mean that you are right.  

I am happy for them.  Especially in what I stated. "I'm so so happy for the gay community that they will have these same rights because during their lives together, it will give an added sense of security on these issues."  They will have an added sense of security....during their lives together.

Here is where my "eternal perspective" sits.

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  We have some pretty radical views about the life after this one.  They are very unique to Christianity and sometimes, they make people question whether we really ARE Christian.

We believe that after this life, and after Christ comes to rule on earth and we are placed into different kingdoms, at the highest level, we will have the chance to become like God.  And our Heavenly Mother.

You see, we believe that our Heavenly Father needed a Heavenly Mother to also create our spirits.  We believe that this family unit that Adam and Eve were patterned after, is eternal.  That it starts with our Heavenly Mother and Father.  A mother and a father.

I believe that if I'm true and faithful to Christ on this earth and I do my personal best, I will have the chance to become like my Heavenly Mother with my husband, Aaron, at my side as a Heavenly Father.  That we will have the opportunity to create worlds together.  LDS people believe in eternal progression.

It isn't that we are scared that all the homosexuals are going to go to hell.  We actually don't really believe in hell (we believe in something called outer darkness but it isn't an easy place to get into).  Our worry isn't about damnation and hell fire.

Members of the LDS faith want everyone to have the same opportunity to become like God.  I, personally, want everyone to have the same opportunity to become like God....I guess I can't speak for all members of my faith.  We are all at different places in our spiritual progression.

I've heard other members of my faith cite different fears that they have besides the one I wrote above.

Some of those fears start from these pieces of doctrine. 

We believe that we were sent to earth so that our Spirits (that were made by Heavenly Father and Mother) could receive bodies.  That was the first commandment that Adam and Eve received.  To multiply and replenish the earth.

Once we have those bodies, we start to learn and grow.  Yes, we are suppose to learn "right and wrong" but also we are meant to learn patience, kindness, charity, love and a million other qualities that will help us to become closer to God.

And we'll mess up.  That's part of it too.  Everyone fails.  We aren't good at anything at the beginning.  That's why we have a Savior.  Jesus Christ came to earth so that he could make up for the stuff that we are totally failing at even when we are trying our hardest.

Here in lies more problems that some see in a marriage between people of the same gender.  No new spirits getting bodies.  That's tough but it doesn't really thwart God's plan.  He's infinite and all knowing and capable to completing his design.  So personally, I don't care about that.

And we also believe that a marriage between a man and a woman is the best place for a child to learn and grow.  Please don't feel so bummed out if you are a homosexual because that also includes families with single parents, people who are widowed or teenage mothers.  We aren't singling you out.  (Well....some members are.  I guess because you can't make a law that says, "Don't let that husband die")

And Mormons also believe that God can make up the difference there.  We don't condemn widowed mothers or fathers and COMMAND that they get remarried.  We don't force people to stay married against their will so that they aren't single parents.   And frankly, sometimes a mother and father are terrible parents to their children, even inside of our church.

So this doesn't bug me either.

One last thing that I keep hearing members of my Church bringing up is our Proclamation to the World on the Family.  

Mostly in fear, I'll hear this line repeated back to me,"We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and  modern prophets."

Members of my Church bust this out ALL THE TIME to talk about changing marriage laws.  ALL THE TIME.

Here is the thing, this also covers every other kind of deviation from the ideal of a man and a woman having a caring and kind and loving and educated marriage.  These calamities will be caused by all types of abuse to your spouse and children.  Of single mothers trying to make it work, but the reality is, is that they don't have the time to focus on their children like they would want to.  It will be caused by people pushing away and starting fights with their gay children.  Of people choosing not to form any relationships with people because they are focused on their own self interests.

And do you know what, these calamities are foretold.  They are going to happen.  I really believe that.  As I've taken classes in Family Studies in college and I see all of the different ways a family can be screwed up, I've learned that it is going to happen.  I also have a testimony of the prophets and that they speak for God so everything about this fear checks out.  But the homosexuals aren't bringing about the end times on their own.  It's wrong to single them out.

My bottom line is this.

I want everyone to become like God.  And I do have a testimony that that is only going to happen in a type of marriage that is ordained of God.  I'm not going to stop telling that message or wanting that for everybody.  I truly want everyone that I love to have this chance.  I have to work on my own marriage every day to make sure that I get that chance.  Aaron and I have to make sure we are moving in the right direction.

Heavenly Father gave us all the gift of agency.  I'm not going to command that everyone follow my way of thinking, when they don't even believe that this goal of becoming like God really exists.  I see people make this logical fallacy all the time.  They say, "Why are they not afraid to offend God?!"  And it is simply because they don't think He exists.  You can't force someone to believe in God.  So you can't force them to follow the laws of someone that they don't believe exists.  That's a terrible argument.

So I am happy for the gay community that they have the right to choose for themselves.  It might be an uninformed choice since they don't know what I know.  But Christ's Atonement and God's wisdom covers that too.  Mormon's believe that God won't condemn us for something that we don't know, things that we never learned.

That's my eternal perspective. 

*This post doesn't include the entire breadth of my Gospel knowledge and understanding.  So because I didn't write something on *The Law of Chasity* or *Missionary Work* or *Civic Duty*, please don't assume that I don't know about it.  Fight your desire to assume.  Don't read between the lines.  I also tried not to go too indepth and go into tangents so that readers don't drown in theology.

I guess if you want to go into depth and tangent on certain parts of this, you can get your own blog.

**This post is my current opinions and I have the RIGHT to change my opinions or grow my knowledge so please fight the desire to throw it back in my face in the middle of conversations as it suits your fancy.

The Reinert Saga: Part Three

 **This post is LONG and snippets of stories because it covers about 5 months and ER visits and at this point in the story, Sydney, Aaron and myself are all having health issues so it is a confusing mess.  It is also, somewhat readable, informative, and, I personally hope, enjoyable at times to read.**

We were a hot mess December 30th. Just a nasty cut up mess.  But I'm getting slightly ahead of myself.

When you last left off, Aaron was recovering in his hospital after his second surgery and in a different hospital across town, I had an emergency c-section.

I'm just going to bypass the story of my hospital stay after Sydney was born (even though there are some fun stories) because goodness...you poor people shouldn't have to dedicate your summer to getting through this epic (meaning that in the old traditional literary meaning of the word...well...with some hyperbole).

The only thing that made receiving this complimentary "congratulations to the happy couple" tray less depressing to eat alone, was that I didn't have to share with anyone.  All them tiny pastries went into my mouth!

What's important for you to know about my hospital stay is that, when they released me from the hospital they did so with a warning that it would take a little bit of time to work the toximia out of my body. I was having horrible headaches. For instance, the nurses would ask how my pain from BEING CHOPPED OPEN was doing and I was like,"That's a 2. My head is a 7." It wasn't a good sign and my blood pressure wasn't that much better than it was from before the c-section.

The morning of the 30th, my mom took Zach to see his dad.  Aaron said that all the specialists were trying to coordinate if they were all ready to let him go home anytime soon. Infectious disease doctor, surgeons, kidney doctors, nutritionalist, physical therapy, and wound care.  My mom and Aaron planned on how to keep in touch throughout the day to make sure they were on the same page.

Then my mom loaded Zach into the car to drive to my hospital to visit with me.  It was day 3 of being cut open and I was ready to get out of the hospital.  If I'm going to have a migraine, I want to have a migraine at home.

While I was snuggling my sunbear, Aaron called telling my mom and me that his hospital was working on his discharge papers at that very moment.  He could go home in the late afternoon. What?!?! After 6 weeks, Aaron can go home?!?!

When I heard that, I didn't want to stay stuck in a hospital bed while my husband was FINALLY home.

I was still waiting to hear from my doctor.  I might still have a seizure. That was the danger.  He was trying to decided if I should stay longer or go home.  Normally I would have been leaving that day so I told my mom to plan on me leaving.

A couple hours later, I was cleared to go.  Well... he told me it was my call if I wanted to stay another day at the hospital or I could monitor my blood pressure and symptoms at home.  So I must not have been in THAT much danger.  He also said that a lot of moms with babies in the NICU will stay as long as possible hoping that they can leave with their babies but that wasn't going to happen for me.  My baby wasn't coming home anytime soon and so he said he would leave it up to me to decide.

Back (side) Story: (Yes, I realize that that says backside story. It's a side story that provides some back story information and it sounds WAY more fun than side back story) 

While my brothers were driving to Las Vegas for Christmas, the car they were driving got some kind of minor damage to it. I can't remember...a lot was going on. But they arranged for the dealership in Utah to take a look at it on Monday the 29th.

When I went into the hospital and my mom decided to cancel her flight to Thailand, she knew she needed a car.

Well, my mom and dad HAD a car with them but had been planning on switching with my brothers...but my brother's car had to go to the dealership.

They arranged to leave my mom the bigger car her and my dad had driven in, they would take the broken car to the dealership in Utah. When they got it fixed, they would drive back down and switch them out. But they didn't know when the car would be road worthy and when they would make the switch.

Back to the story:

When my mom found out we might both get released from the hospital the same day she was a little worried. Aaron couldn't be left alone at the apartment and I couldn't be left at the apartment alone so whichever one got released first would drive around town in her car all cut up and in pain for a second time that day or live dangerously and leave us alone in the apartment and hope nothing bad happened to us.

Also...Zach...should she bring him? She couldn't leave him. So she'd have to bring him along...but she needed extra hands to bring home all the stuff with Aaron since I had basically left all the Christmas stuff there.

The task was quickly sounding overwhelming.

Then she got a text from my brothers "Leaving Utah. Car's all fixed."  Thank you Heavenly Father for tender mercies.

They got into town just in time to pick up Aaron at his hospital. And give him a belated Christmas present. A pimp cane. Aaron was back to using a walker but soon he was hoping to graduate back to a cane.

My brothers helped Aaron pack up his room and clear out the space I'd been living in, in Aaron's room. Aaron got a free hospital blanket because it was freezing outside. He hadn't been outside or even seen a tree in 6 weeks. When he went to the hospital in November it hadn't been cold enough for a sweater so he didn't have anything to keep him warm. We hadn't even unpacked winter clothes.

He also didn't have shoes. He hadn't gone into the ambulance with shoes in November. So he wore the hospital socks home.

When he got home, he went straight to the back room and laid down. The 5 minute drive and walk to the apartment door had totally taken it out of him.

A couple hours later, my mom came to pick me up. I cried leaving the hospital.

It had been hard hearing other couple's crying babies in their rooms and seeing proud beaming dads walking the hallways. And it was extremely painful driving away from the hospital without a baby.

It hurts a lot to cry with a c-section incision. My mom reminded me that it wasn't forever. In a few weeks, I would get to bring my baby home.

I needed to remember how blessed I was for that. I really knew that.  She lived. We both did. That's not a gift given to all women with preeclampsia.

Plus, Aaron was at home. The ultimate prize! The goal we had been working towards! I would get to share a bed with my husband again!

I got home, greeted my brothers and hugged my Zachary bear. My beautiful poor temporally orphaned Zachary. This poor kid. He'd been through so much change and upheaval.

Then I went into the bedroom and said hi to my husband.

No really. So pathetic.

I literally could just be like,"hi". I couldn't bend over and kiss him. I'd been cut on my bending over area. He couldn't get up. So I laid down in bed and we held hands.

And it felt SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD. Seriously. It was like dating again. My major crush was totally crushing on me too.  Goose bumps!

It had been so long since I could be beside him. So much had changed since he had last been next to me like that. I mean...goodness sakes...I had to show him pictures of my kid that he had NEVER SEEN. I had a baby since we'd last held hands.  It was so bizarre.

We were different people than we had  been waking up November 18th in that same bed. We were a different couple.

Oh...but I was my same goofy self so I was like,"So....I had a baby. What have you been up to?"

If you haven't seen this picture before, you aren't stalking us hard enough.

It was late at night and everyone was getting settled for the night. 5 adults and 1 toddler in a 2 bedroom apartment. Aaron asked if I could get his walker for him so he could get to the bathroom. I got the walker. Then he asked if I could help him up.

Umm...no. I wasn't allowed to lift anything "heavier than the baby". Aaron was considerably bigger than 3lbs.

I got one of my brothers. Aaron was moving rather slow and whoever helped him had to stay close by. So my brother stayed with Aaron and I laid in bed eating some ice cream, straight out of the container, that had been in fridge all month.

When I finished the ice cream I assumed I was strong enough to get the container back in the fridge. So I slowly made my way to the kitchen. The kitchen was cold. My mom had kept the house pretty cool while she was staying there alone. And once I opened the freezer, I started shaking. The blast of freezing air hit me and my insides full of ice cream combined and sent me into uncontrollable shivers.

Okay, now imagine you're my brother. Just finished helping his brother-in-law get back into bed and you go to look for your sister who was just released from the hospital with a warning she could have seizures and you walk into the kitchen and she's standing in the middle of the room with her face frozen and shaking uncontrollably. Yeah....he got to me pretty quick and wrapped his arms around me. "Are you okay? What's happening?" I can't walk very fast because the shaking is hurting my healing tummy. "Blanket. I'm cold."

Okay...also something you don't want to hear from someone you think is maybe dying. My poor brother.

The misunderstanding was sorted out while my brothers got me into bed with a lecture on how, and I quote, "Your diet directly effects your body and health!!" They love me.

I wrote a blog post about the next day. Seeing Aaron's wounds for the first time. Yikes...it was gross. I've always been a person who can't deal with seeing injuries without having a large sympathetic response. My skin crawls. My body aches when I see someone else's injured body. I hate it. Worst day. Worst. Day.

I could see now why Aaron was hurting so bad. Why he couldn't move. Why he didn't want to sit up. Or talk. Or laugh.

He was just so extremely mangled.

I decided to draw you a picture to scale. *Forgive my art skills* I didn't want to show you pictures because those are super gross BUT I have all of the measurements of the wounds because we had to keep track of their healing.

His stomach, when you looked directly at him, looked like this.

A $20 bill for scale, I didn't have a $1 bill...I'm not a stripper.

See that area where it got skinny?  That's where his bellybutton was.  Everyone, go hold up American currency to your stomach and try to imagine with me, how big and wide that opening was.  The red lines on the side, are scars from where the drainage tubes were being held down.  The bottom one was still in place that first day.

Next wound drawing!  This one, is if you were looking directly at Aaron's side.  That red part, was the TOP of the hole.  So when I took off the bandage, I was staring at that hole....which then went 8cm INTO HIM.  Imagine with me.....

.....gross....so so gross.

The first couple days I slept a lot. I also was pumping milk all day to bring to the hospital. 

The NICU staff the first night told me how important it was to try to pump. Our, yet unnamed, daughter's stomach needed the easiest thing to digest starting off and they said the best thing was breast milk.  I didn't know if I would be able to ever nurse her but I knew that they were right in saying that breast milk was the best way to go.

My mother was taking care of Zach and feeding all of us.  People in the ward started bringing in more food.  They really felt badly for our little family.  Basically at 105lbs, Aaron got whatever Aaron wanted.  If he asked my mom for pie, he got pie.  If he wanted fried ham, he got fried ham.  Whatever we could do to plump him up.

Once again, our family moved into a new rhythm. Waking up in the mornings, eating breakfast.  Aaron would try to do two "laps" of the apartment with his walker.  Late morning or early afternoon, we would do wound change.  Then my mom would drive me to Sydney's hospital to get to hold her for 30 minutes.  We would head home, eat dinner.  Get everyone settled in bed.  Zach had to be asleep before we left him alone with Aaron.  Technically it wasn't that safe.  I'll admit.  Aaron couldn't do a whole lot if something had happened but Zach wasn't home alone.  Then we would go back to the hospital to see Sydney so that I could hold her again and drop off more frozen breast milk.

I healed remarkable fast.  Feeling much stronger than anyone was expecting.  Oh...except for that one time that I went to the ER...that I didn't tell anyone about....It was just a small scare.  Nothing serious.  Look, I'm even smiling!

At my two week check-up the doctor was like, "Wow...you couldn't even expect someone to be healing faster.  Every thing looks great."  Another tender mercy.  I needed to be physically capable to learn and carry out wound change and travel to see my baby every day.

Aaron's healing was much much slower.  All the specialists that he had been meeting with in the hosptial scheduled follow-up appointments with him.  My mom drove us to the early appointments before I was well enough to  drive.  What a sad lot we were in the waiting rooms.

At Aaron's first appointment with Dr. Reese, 8 days after going home, Aaron weighed 112lbs.  That was a win for sure.  All that ham Aaron was eating.

Dr. Reese looked at the middle incision though and said that it looked like Aaron was herniated.  That would be another thing to fix on the next surgery.  *sigh*  Well, I guess he might as well. He ordered the wound VAC for us and it would be delivered Saturday.  I had just started getting the hang of doing the regular wound change...now I would have to learn a whole new art.

Aaron's parents came into town the next day and spent that weekend.

Aaron got to visit Sydney for the first time that Saturday.  That was a production.  Aaron had to be able to endure the car ride.  Then I needed to get him a wheelchair because he couldn't possible get up to her room.  It was way too much walking.  So I pushed his wheelchair to her room (That's right...two weeks after my own surgery...good thing he was light).

At one point while Aaron was in the hospital and before Sydney was born, he lamented that he might not be strong enough to get to hold his daughter when she was born.  I had told him, "I'm sure you'll be strong enough by then.  Even if it is just a little bit."

So, I totally fixed the problem by making him a tiny baby.  She's about 3lbs 9oz in this picture.

A perfect size for Aaron to hold! For about 10 minutes...then we needed to go so that he could sleep for the rest of the day.

Aaron's parents got to see Sydney that weekend too, but only for a little bit.  With only being allowed to hold Sydney for such a short time, I wasn't going to share.  Only one person could hold her per visit and it was going to be her mom (or on 3 occasions, her dad).

Aaron's dad, Mike, really got the short end of the deal though.  He came the night of the bloody diaper.

I went to change Sydney's diaper on the 10th of January and her diaper was full of blood.  Which, I don't know if you are aware....is....REALLY BAD.

The whole room was jumping at that point.  All the nurses and the neonatologist were in a flurry getting ready to run tests.  We learned later that that is usually a sign that the baby is going to die...and very soon.

SPOILER ALERT:  She didn't die.

They couldn't find ANYTHING wrong with her.  She did it once and never pooped blood again. 

But they took her off of food for a week for belly rest...and she was MAD.  She loved eating.  The nurses would always joke that she was their best eater even though she was the smallest (smallest in the NICU II and Special Care Nursery...she was not even close to the smallest in the NICU I).

This is her at 3 weeks old!  She had gained a whole entire pound since she was born!  She's so proud of herself.

This bear was from my super sweet former room mate Amber and her family.  We got it the day Aaron was released from the hospital and we joked that it was bigger than Sydney.

The next day she was 4lbs even and graduated to clothes!!!  Her wonderful aunts hand sewed these miniature hospital gowns.  That way they wouldn't interfere with all her wires.  The outfits were absolutely adorable and looking back, I wish that I had taken more pictures of her in them.  The nurses would always compliment her on them.

The nurses said that it was a bit weird because when she was fast asleep in her little isolet, she looked like a perfect baby doll.  That's still a comment that we get when she is in public.

While Sydney was making great strides in growing her tiny little body and learning to regulate her own body heat (like a grown up), Aaron was continuing his progress.  The stent that had been put into his right ureter before the second surgery, was successfully removed and his kidney that had been slightly enlarged from the trauma of the abscess was back to a normal size.

Aaron's wounds continued to heal.  I learned how to put on a wound VAC.  It is actually a fascinating bit of technology.  It increases healing time for large wounds and decreases the amount of times that you need to redress a wound.  Basically it is a vacuum for the wound, sucking out all the drainage away from the site and encouraging new healthy tissue to grow.  Putting it on takes about an hour though because it has to be completely air tight. And added to the fact that it already took an hour to dress the other wounds, wound change was turning into quite the production.

By the end of January, the wound on Aaron's back was fully closed up and didn't need to be packed anymore and all of the other wounds had shrunk significantly.

Sydney on the other hand was giving us a couple little scares.  Rude.

There was something on her tailbone.  It could have been spina bifida or it could have been pilonidal dimple.  One of them is very serious and the other is basically a birthmark.  They did an ultrasound of her spine and found out that it wasn't spina bifida.  Excellent.

BUUUUUUUUUUT....it appeared that her spinal cord was long.  I didn't even know that that was a thing.

It could be a tethered cord, we were told. She might never walk or be able to regulate her bowels.  So they scheduled an MRI and then a second MRI and...nope.  It's fine.  It was nothing.  False alarm.

OH!!  BUT HER BRAIN IS BLEEDING!!

WHAT?!?!?  Yes.

We need to do another ultrasound but on her brain.

Oh...nothing.  Must have been a shadow.

Goodness people.  Stop trying to fill my world with drama....we are doing just fine on our own.

Basically, Sydney was healthy...small...very small...but healthy.  Spinal cord, perfectly fine.  Brain, not bleeding.  Intestines, working perfectly.  Infections, no.  She was slow growing but perfectly healthy and really good at eating....oh...unless I was holding her.

Her growth stalled at 4lbs.  She couldn't go home unless she was showing that she could grow.  That makes sense.  But when I was holding her, she didn't want to eat.  She wanted to cuddle into me and sleep.  It would take her an hour to nurse (which, let me tell you how AMAZING it is that she is able to nurse) and she was burning way too many calories.

So I stopped nursing her and went back to bottle feeding her the breast milk. The nurses said that that made good logical sense but that they would never tell me to stop breastfeeding.  My goal, was to get her home and I had confidence that once we got home, I would be able to start nursing her without problems.

On January 26th, my mom got to hold Sydney for the first time.  Please, ask my mom how hard it was to see her granddaughter every single day for a month and not get to hold her.  But like I said before, if only one person could hold her per visit, it was going to be me (or Aaron...if he could come).

But we needed her to eat to get bigger and she would only sleep on me.  In 15 minutes she was fed and burped and could go back to sleep.

And the next day while Aaron was getting the chance to feed her (his third time in a month seeing his daughter), we were told that as long as she gained well that night, we could take her home the next day!

We had originally been told that she would probably stay until her due date (February 9th) but since there was nothing at all wrong with her (besides being small), she was free to go home.

At 4lbs 5oz, she got to go home.

Things that are scary about taking home a preemie:
1) Her whole head was a soft spot.  Seriously, her soft spot was huge and I was scared of anything touching it.
2) Burping a 4lbs person.  You hit them on the back the same way you would hit any other baby except that you feel TERRIFIED the whole time you are doing it.
3) They don't fit in the car seat.

The car seat is made for 5+ pounds.  I asked the nurse about it and she said, "Just drive her home and don't put her in the car again till your doctors appointment.

In this picture, Sydney's feet aren't actually IN the feet of her pjs.  She pulled her legs up inside and the seat beat wasn't even touching her except on the shoulders.  I was so scared driving home thinking, "NO ONE COME CLOSE TO ME PLLLEEEEEASEEEEE!!!  STAY AWAY!!!"

Zach thought his new baby sister was the most interesting thing ever.  I don't think he quite knew what she was and so he was avoiding touching her.  But he couldn't stop staring at her and smiling.

The last time we were all this close together was Christmas day.  It was nice to have the whole gang back together.

The tube coming out of Aaron's shirt is to the wound VAC (the black bag on the arm of the couch) so that's the tube the drainage was being sucked out with.  I'm just telling you because we don't have any pictures of it.

3 days later, I was in the ER with Aaron.  Because we were worried that we were getting too boring again.

Seriously though, Aaron's body had a bit of a backslide. Sydney came home on a Wednesday and on Friday, Aaron had a follow-up appointment with his surgeon.  Everything was looking good and Dr. Reese told me that he was going to pack the two wounds but when I changed them the next day, I could let the top front one close just like the one in the back had done a couple weeks earlier.  We were pretty excited.

But alas, it was not to be.

I went to pull out Dr. Reese's packing from the day before and  pus poured out of the wound.  When I shone a flashlight into it, I could see that the hole had gotten MUCH  deeper.  And it was filthy from infection.

I packed up my husband and drove him to the ER.  They had to hear our insane story about WHY Aaron was so cut up and what was going on.  They had a nurse pack it up for us, gave Aaron some antibiotics and called the surgeon to let him know what was going on.  Luckily we didn't need to stay.

There is a HILARIOUS story about a woman with a broken finger that could be inserted here.  Seriously, for how awful our situation was these past months, there are a TON of funny stories.  But I don't really have time for all of these extra stories.  Which sucks because you guys deserve to hear about some of this funny stuff.  Seriously, this woman was hysterical.  Both in the sense that she had completely lost control of herself and that I couldn't stop laughing.  Moving on...

Aaron having a new appointment made the following Monday, INSANE.  Aaron met with a surgeon in the morning.  I had my 6 week appointment in the early afternoon with the OB/GYN and then Sydney was meeting with her pediatrician for the first time in the late afternoon.

Aaron had his follow-up with another surgeon because Dr. Reese wasn't available.  The nurse said, "It's funny, normally we don't get these calls from the patient and their wives, we get them from wound care.  It's great that you knew what to look for."  Yeah...unfortunately every time my husband springs a leak, I know what to do now.

I watched the surgeon stab at the hole in Aaron to make it larger so that we could see how far it goes.

You can always tell who's a surgeon.  They are the doctors who forget that you are AWAKE AND CAN FEEL THEM.

At one point, the surgeon stuck cotton tipped sticks into both of Aaron's wounds to try and figure out if the two holes were connected.  That looked kind of hilarious.  Sticks just coming out of Aaron.  Maybe I was starting to get used to all the blood and gore.

This is how the doctor described it to me and I drew pictures that week to describe what was happening to friends and family.

Day One after the surgery in November, the front and back hole of Aaron were connected.  That whole area needed to be packed.

Weeks and weeks of healing meant that Aaron's body was making new tissue and closing up that hole.  But while it was healing from the inside out, a small pocket of air got closed in and new tissue formed over it, creating an abscess.

The abscess filled with drainage and infection and it needed an escape so it burrowed through the brand new weaker tissue creating a fistula (a small tube or communication) and came back up to the top and poured all the built up drainage out of the hole I was packing.

So the surgeon went through and cleaned it all out and now the hole was 3 times as deep as it was the day before and we were set back weeks of healing.  Super duper.

This was more annoying for me than Aaron.  Besides the pain of packing, it didn't interrupt much.  But the closed wound on Aaron's pack was starting to swell up and get painful for Aaron.  I was pretty sure that it was going to open up again.

Aaron started going back to work, wound VAC and all.  He was feeling highly motivated to do something ANYTHING but sit in bed in pain all day.  He'd been gone from work for nearly 3 months. Aaron was ready to feel useful again and to make sure that we had money to start paying the medical bills that were coming in.

Life was ACTUALLY getting back to normal.  Aaron would go to work and I would stay with the kids at home and watch Sesame Street and color and have nap times.

On February 11th, Aaron met with Dr. Reese.  I told him about the back wound swelling up and he looked at it.  And by looked at it, I mean that he applied pressure to it with a cotton stick until the thin layer of skin burst and the stick went into the abscess just below the surface.  Great....back to packing that one too.

With the two showing signs of being worse, Dr. Reese decided to move up the date for doing a CT scan on Aaron.  If the abscesses were too bad, and the last surgery site on the intestines was looking good, they might be able to move up the next surgery date.  

Dr. Reese took off the wound VAC and looked at the middle incision.  It was pretty much completely healed.  "Put some Neosporin on that every couple nights and it should finish up that last bit."  NEOSPORIN!?!?  What?  I actually KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!!  We are getting into minor first aid stuff.  Stuff that a regular person like me could understand!  THIS WAS GREAT!

We went to Costco to celebrate.  Sort of.  We went to get groceries but indulged in hot dogs, excited that we were doing a regular thing.

10 days since our last trip to the hospital...we were on a roll.  Doing really good for ourselves.  "Pride cometh before the fall."

Getting a little too comfortable with blood, I drew this for Aaron on Valentine's Day.  I drew him a heart with blood that had once been in his heart.  It's romantic and meta.

He thought it was "creepy" and "morbid".  We have different ideas about romance.

Aaron's follow-up CT scan was scheduled for the 18th.  They wanted to see how his intestines were dealing with the last surgery and make sure that the wounds weren't getting worse.

Aaron had to drink a BUNCH of barium sulfate.  This is something pretty safe to Google (talking you you Kathleen!).  X-rays can't see through it and so doctors use it to coat the stomach and intestines so that they become easy to see on an X-ray.  Magic.  

But it appears that that, coupled with the intense laxatives, freaked out Aaron's already fragile healing intestines and they just shut down.

Aaron was vomiting and in a lot of pain for a couple days.  He had eaten a muffin that he questioned the freshness of and so we assumed it was food poisoning.  

Finally we called a doctor and told them Aaron's symptoms and they were like, "GO TO THE HOSPITAL!"  Alright....alright...if I have to.

So into the hospital Aaron went.  I guess he was in danger of....tearing open his intestines where they had just sewed them up.  Nothing to serious.

It's called paralytic ileus.  His intestines got out of rhythm with themselves and so they turned off so that they can start themselves back up.  It's really common right after a surgery...like IMMEDIATELY after a surgery.  Healthy intestines don't shut off.  They ran a slew of tests trying to figure out what had gone wrong.  What could have shut everything down?  Why now after so many months after surgery.  They couldn't figure it out.  The only thing close to an explanation was that it could have been all of the prep for the CT scan.

The staff in the ER was the same staff from the last time we had come in and they were like, "....why do you guys look familiar?"  "We come here too much."

This time I got to hear the ER doctor tell a woman why she can't come in every night for a shot of morphine for a headache.  Apparently this was her third night there and they were getting a little frustrated with her.

They got Aaron a room pretty quickly and I went home to relieve the babysitters (thanks Rebekah and Preston!) and get some sleep.  Because I knew what the routine was.  Wake up and have the kids visit dad.

Aaron got to see some of his old friends while he sat and waited for his intestines to start back up again.  Some of the old wound care staff had to come and take care of him and he got to see some old nurses.  They were all interested in how Aaron had been since they last saw him in December.  Oh...and some of them were excited to see that I had had my baby.

When Dr. Reese came in to see Aaron he was like, "I really wasn't expecting to see you in here so soon.  I really don't want to have to cut you open for awhile."

What was nice about this visit was that Aaron wasn't all cut open.  He was still in pain but Zach could sit with him and watch some morning cartoons on PBS.

While Aaron was there, the hospital decided to run some tests on his wounds.  They found an infection...which...we knew was there from when Aaron's wounds get deeper weeks before.  Dr. Reese had told us that that could be there until the next surgery so we weren't worried.

And I got to wear this "cute" cover-up to keep me safe from my dirty infectious husband.

 But Aaron's intestines turned back on and he could eat again without the risk of exploding...but the hospital didn't want to let him go with an infection because they didn't want to be held liable for any of that.  The doctors all had to talk and confer and discuss and process and delineate before they would finally let Aaron go.

We felt like his Saturday to Wednesday stay was really short...you know...in comparison.

Aaron came home with more antibiotics for the infection.  And we had to start our counter clock over again.  It really did start off as a joke...but now it is pretty motivational. 

Everyone was happy to have Aaron home.  Especially me because I like to keep my family close....preferably in the same home. 

These are my people and this is where I like them.

March and April went by somewhat peacefully.  It was nice.  Who am I kidding?  IT WAS AMAZING!!  No hospital stays for 62 days straight!!

In the middle of March, we got the next surgery date.  April 28th.  Something to aim for and count down too.  We tried to do nice calm normal things until then.

Bored to death in church...excellent.

Just eating pancakes, nothing to see here.

Trying to jump in the pond for a leisurely swim.

Going to the mailbox.

Napping and playing on the Kindle.

Quick family outing to Boulder City.

Celebrating Easter....like normal people.

A family walk....for health and wellness.

Last chance snuggles.

Aaron had to have all these tests and procedures done the week before the surgery.  They had to make sure he didn't have any active disease.  If he had active Crohn's disease, then he would just have to keep the colostomy.  I asked for prayers again on Facebook.  Because that is where I like to crowd source my prayers.

Also, depending on how things looked when Dr. Reese went in, he might be able to just close up the last of the wounds.

I was hopeful that this would be my last time doing Aaron's wound change.

No active disease was found in Aaron's colon and so on the 28th, Aaron went in for surgery.

To recap, this surgery was to, fix the second hole that was found in Aaron's colon during the last surgery and reverse the colostomy.  Repair the hernia that it looked like Aaron had from the incision on his abdomen and to hopefully close up the holes from the first abscess surgery 6 months before.

Dr. Reese was going to be busy.

But some results from one of the CT scans showing the wounds, looked like they might be a more complicated problem.  He informed us before surgery that he didn't think that he would be able to close them all the way.  He thought 1 of 2 things might be happening.  He thought either Aaron had an infection hiding out in his hipbone making the wounds chronically infected OR Aaron's wounds might be leading straight into his abdomen.  Basically nothing between my cotton tipped applicator and Aaron's insides during wound change...lovely.

We were disappointed that I would still be doing wound change when we went home but at least Aaron wouldn't have a colostomy.  Got to look on the bright side.

Also, there was a chance that Aaron would need to stay open again after the surgery and do the same wound VAC treatment.  Or he could get all the way closed up...it was a toss up.

They wheeled Aaron into surgery and I went downstairs to reconnect with my friend in the cafeteria (if you stalk me on Facebook, you already got this story...you totally have the in...you Facebook stalker, you.)

Then I walked Sydney around and around the waiting room.  I knew that it was going to be a long time.

It's funny.  Most of the surgeons, come out to look for family members and they are searching around like, "Oh gosh....what did his family look like again?  Dang it...I can't remember.  I'm going to have to call out their name."  But not Dr. Reese.  Nope.  I know who he is and he for sure knows who I am.

I turned around as he was coming up and said, "So....is he closed up?"  Dr. Reese smiled, "Well, down the middle."  Then he explained that closing up the colon was the easiest part.  All Aaron's insides, were on the inside.  That's where we prefer them.

"I stuck my finger down the main abscess wound while I had him open on the table.  It didn't poke all the way out of him because my finger wasn't long enough but yeah, the wound opened up right into his abdominal cavity."  Dr. Reese explained that he put a patch of intestine fat around the hole.

"It's normally a procedure for a tear in the stomach. There is no usual procedure or paper or anything  on how to fix what is going on with him.  This is all medical science but...I don't know for sure if it will fix things completely."

He told me that I could go back and see Aaron.  I needed to pick up Zach from my cousin's house(Thanks Tennille.  You really got the short end of the deal with us moving to Vegas!) and get him in bed.  Then I would leave both kids with a babysitter and come back (Thanks Kim!)  Right before Dr. Reese went to leave, I remembered, "Oh!  And the hernia?"

"He didn't have one.  I was pretty surprised."

The surgery was a great success.

Want to hear a funny story?  I know you do.  You've come this far.  You deserve it.

I got back from getting my kids settled at home and I figured since it had been hours later, Aaron would be settled in a room by then.  So I go to the information desk and tell them who I'm looking for and they are like, "Ummmm....he isn't in our system.  Are you SURE that he's at this hospital?"

I'm.....pretty sure.  Did you lose my husband?

I had to go back up to the surgery floor to see if they knew where Aaron ended up after surgery. Turns out, they got Aaron into a room and realized it was a shared room and it is on Aaron's chart that he isn't allowed to share a room (because of the open wounds) so they took him back to surgery to wait for a room.  I didn't spend the night this time.  I got two kids at home...and Aaron had morphine...he'll be fine.

The next morning I took the kids to see Aaron.  Zach was pretty used to hospital rooms at this point.  No fear of Dad in bed with tubes everywhere.  Just playing with his cars on the railing.

Also, EVERYONE knew us.  Seriously, all the nurses and wound care and specialists were pretty much the same.  And if they weren't working directly with Aaron this time, they would see us in the halls and stop to talk and see how everything was doing.  Yeah, we are a fixture at this hospital now.

Aaron even felt good enough to snuggle Sydney as long as she didn't get to wiggly.  He loves snuggling his kids.

The day after Aaron's surgery, Dr. Reese came in to talk to Aaron...you know....now that Aaron wasn't as pumped full of drugs.  He told him that he "air tested" his colon to make sure that there were no other holes.  He explained,"We take your intestines and pump them full of air, and then put them in a bowl of water and see if we can find any air bubbles."

"Oh, like a bike tire."

Blank stare at me.

"Cuz to check for holes in the tire you put the tube...under water....."

"Oh.  Yeah...that is the same."

Glad I could teach you something Dr. Reese.

Aaron had to wait for his intestines to turn back on before we could go home.  AND THEN EVERYONE GOT THE FLU.   AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  I'm not even joking when I say, that I had a crisis of faith.  While I was vomiting, I questioned whether there was a loving God.

Zach got the flu, then I got the flu.  We couldn't go to see Aaron for a couple days.  Aaron's intestines came back on and we were like, "YEAHHH!!!!  He can come home soon!"  Then he got the flu....which is HORRIBLE because his intestines were like, "OH NO!  We thought that it was safe to come out.  Shut it down!  Shut everything down!"  And the doctor's didn't know whether it was because of the surgery or his diseased family so they wanted to play it safe and keep him there longer.

Finally, we all got better from the flu.  And Aaron's intestines came on for good and he started eating.  He only lost 10 lbs in the hospital this time.  Which sounds bad...but it really wasn't nearly as drastic as the last surgery.

As we were leaving the hospitals, I KID YOU NOT, it took forever to get Aaron to the car because everyone (nurses, wound care, specialists, janitors, and cafeteria workers) wanted to stop and congratulate Aaron on getting out.  They were all like, "Don't come back!  Good luck!  Take care!  So happy for you man!"

At home, we restarted the countdown.  I told Aaron we could have a pizza party when we beat the old record.  And this is our, sort of, happy ending.

***This was going to be the end of the trilogy and in a way, it is.  We are hoping all of the surgeries are behind us.  I did a surgery per story.  But the story, unfortunately is not over.  Aaron's wounds are, though better than they were before the last surgery, still open.  The doctors are trying to figure out why the wounds can't close.  They are running more tests in a couple weeks.  Be thinking of us.***